end up

After finished the audition of Indonesian Idol 2010 and in fact I failed, I don’t back to my dormitory. Just straight and got to Veby’s kosan. Take a part in a noisy but interesting chat, and we laughed together, with Veby’s friend too named Riri, Iti and 2 other that I forgot the name. After that, I took preparation to sleep, but I turn on my Y!Messenger first. Met my dear A. Had a quality talk until 2 oclock, but had to end with my dissatisfication. He thought that it’s better that we had to end up our relationship.

I’m in the doldrums at that moment. Lugubriously, I had to pressupon my self to break with him. But I can’t cry. Bengeut udah di sedih-sedihin tapi tetep weh gak keluar airmata. Perhaps, this ending wasn’t hurting. And in fact, that’s no problem with our relationship. Nope. He just said that he does not love me anymore, and it’s better to be like friends than made hurt for me. He can’t ensure me, at least though he said he’s always serious in every relationship but he can’t ensure to one day in the future.

Everybody deserves to choose someone better. Maybe I’m not the best in his point, and of course he deserves to keep searching and choosing. So do I, though this heart have been locked for him since he appeared. But if the situation had to be like this, I can do nothing. Maybe I’m just to serious taking this relationship. Sorrow. But it’s not my fault, nor his fault. The key for this situation is: sincere-ing. Love can turn you blind, that’s what the personality test said about my type in having a reltionship.

“You are the type to fall quickly and passionately in love, but will commit to a person forever when this happens. When you choose to love someone, it’s going to be a strong relationship and nothing will come between you and your lover. But beware: love can turn you blind.”

So into me!!! :( honestly, I don’t want to get another guy, however I had to add 1 person in my ex-list, but still I don’t wanna collect EX. So should I be so selective in choosing a best partner to be my future? Can’t answer; just let it flow without think dizzily.

He said we had to keep our silaturahmi, but it’ll be awry about what should I think of him. Too kind will make me still hoping. Hard, but I can’t just stuck on that, move on! :) Be focus and consentrate to my mean goal!